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Inner Dialogue—Writing Character Thoughts
The topic of character thoughts has come up repeatedly for me in the last couple of weeks, and I promised to address punctuation for inner dialogue.
Inner dialogue is simply the speech of a character to himself. He hears it and the reader hears it, but other characters have no idea what’s going on in his head.
It’s the same for us and our thoughts. Unless we reveal them, no one knows what we’re thinking. In our worlds, however, even if we do reveal our thoughts, it’s likely that no one hears those thoughts uncensored. Lovers may share most of what they’re thinking, or an abusive parent might dump every thought on a child, but for the most part, men and women don’t share every thought. If they did, they’d be talking nonstop.
And they’d be opening up the very most intimate part of themselves. Most people simply don’t tell what they’re thinking, in full, to others. To do so would make them vulnerable, naked, without protection.
That’s a bit too much for any of us 3-dimensional people.
With characters, however, we get to listen in. And we hear not only passive thoughts—the stream of consciousness patter that flows through the mind—but deliberate dialogue—a character giving himself a pep-talk or talking himself into or out of particular actions.
Thought and inner dialogue give the reader insight he can’t get from watching a character’s actions from the outside.
Inner dialogue and thought reveal truth. They reveal darkness. They reveal hope or dreams or resignation.
They reveal emotions or beliefs too painful to be shared with other characters.
They reveal the heart. They reveal despair of the soul. They reveal strength of the spirit.
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Thought and inner dialogue can be used to raise the emotional level of a scene. When we see a mother comforting her child, telling him all is well, and then we see into her thoughts, knowing that in truth she has no hope that all will be well, we feel her love for her child. We see her own feelings and the need she feels to protect her child from a painful truth.
Character thought can also lighten a scene. A man who’s holding back sarcasm or inappropriate humor may present a blank face to other characters but may reveal his irreverence to the reader.
What else can thought and inner dialogue do?
Thoughts and lectures to self allow readers insight into a character
They allow characters to be differentiated
They give characters an honest voice
They can reveal character motivation
They can slow the pace of a scene
They can reveal a character’s conflict between his inner man and the needs of others
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So, how does the writer convey the thoughts and inner dialogue of a character?
First, the character must be the viewpoint character for a scene. Unless you’re writing from a completely omniscient viewpoint, which is quite unusual these days, you won’t be dipping into and out of every character’s head. And you certainly won’t be doing so within the same scene. So be sure we don’t get a thought from the dog when a couple is having a fight, not unless the dog is the viewpoint character for the scene.
Also, you’ll only want to reveal thoughts and inner dialogue that advance the plot. We don’t need to hear everything, just the good stuff. You could show random thoughts a time or two to establish the way a character thinks, but skip those kinds of thoughts for the most part. Give the reader thoughts that reveal the character and have bearing on the plot. Thoughts that up the emotional temperature for the reader.
In practical terms, try the following. The option without italics makes for the least intrusive read.
1. Use italics and dialogue tags
For traditional third-person narration, use italics to indicate a character’s thoughts or inner dialogue. Clearly signal to the reader that what she’s reading is thought or inner dialogue and not spoken dialogue.
Montrose angled his head, taking in both Giselle and her sister behind her.
They look nothing alike, he thought. He should have known Giselle was not Ariana.
Also . . .
Montrose angled his head, taking in both Giselle and her sister behind her.
They look nothing alike, he thought. I should’ve known Giselle was not Ariana.
No need to write he thought to himself. The reader knows he’s not thinking to someone else. Unless, of course, we’re talking paranormal or sci-fi. In such cases, you might indeed need to tell us who Montrose is thinking to.
Note that the verb look is in the present tense. Because this is inner dialogue—words directed to the character from himself—verb tense can be past or present, even if the rest of the narrative is past tense.
2. Use italics without dialogue tags
When you’ve made it clear who the viewpoint character is, use italics without the dialogue tags. Readers will understand that the viewpoint character is the one revealing his thoughts.
Montrose tilted his head to get a clearer view of the hoyden behind Giselle. They look nothing alike. He dismissed the two of them with the flick of a wrist. And neither looks like my Margaret.
Use of italics allows the writer to treat thoughts as if the words are dialogue, as if the character is speaking to himself. So, we can use the present tense look rather than looked, even if the rest of the story uses narration in the past tense. The writer can also use I and me and we and our, even if the story is in the third person. Whatever you can do with spoken dialogue, you can do with a character’s inner dialogue. If you’re using italics to convey that inner dialogue.
3. Don’t use italics at all
You can eliminate the use of and need for italics if you’re using first-person narration or deep POV in third-person narration. Since the reader knows and feels he’s in the character’s head, there’s no need to use italics to highlight thoughts of the character or dialogue directed to the character from himself.
Montrose tilted his head to get a clearer view of the hoyden behind Giselle. They looked nothing alike, these two women posing as his dead wife’s sisters. He dismissed both with a flick of his wrist. They also looked nothing like his sweet, sweet Margaret.
Stupid, ignorant fool. Should have known better than to believe. Than to hope . . .
There is no doubt that Montrose is the one thinking these thoughts.
In the first person—
I tipped my head to get a clearer view of the hoyden behind Giselle. They looked nothing alike, these two women posing as Margaret’s sisters. I waved them away. And they certainly didn’t favor my sweet Margaret.
Stupid, ignorant fool. I should have known better than to believe. Than to hope . . .
Note that without the italics, I kept the verbs in the past tense, to match the rest of the narration. This is a deliberate choice. It maintains consistency for the reader, keeps her from wondering why the writer changed from past to present tense.
With italics, the reader is given a signal to alert her to the inner thought. Without italics, there is no visual signal. Readers will understand that they’re reading thoughts, but a change to present tense in those thoughts—pushed up against past tense with the rest of the actions—may cause a hesitation for the reader. And you don’t want to do anything to pull the reader from the fiction.
This practice of switching verb tense only when using italics is a suggestion, not a hard rule. You’ve got options, and if you can make your story work by mixing present tense in your viewpoint character’s thoughts with past tense in that same character’s actions and do so without the visual aid of italics, try it. There’s nothing wrong with trying something.
Yet know that such a practice won’t be universally understood or accepted. Realize that you might lose your reader. And you definitely don’t want to make your reader hesitate, don’t want her wondering about the mechanics of story rather than the plot of story. Help the reader out.
While I wouldn’t want to say you can’t try something, my recommendation is to only switch tense in thought or inner dialogue if you use italics to show what you’ve done.
Do not, however, use I, me, we, or our without italics if you’re using third-person point of view. Without the signal of the italics, readers will think you’ve switched from third to first person mid-paragraph.
Keep in mind—
While it’s not required, consider beginning thoughts and inner dialogue with a new paragraph, as if it were spoken dialogue. Yet even as dialogue can share a paragraph with action, so can thoughts. Treat inner dialogue as you would spoken dialogue.
Never use quotation marks for thoughts, even if those thoughts are inner dialogue, a character talking to himself. Reserve quotation marks for speech that’s vocalized. Readers should be able to tell when a character is speaking inside his head and when he’s talking aloud, even if he’s the only person in the scene.
Plus, if you can cut back on distracting visuals, including unnecessary punctuation, do it.
Be consistent. Use the same method of conveying character thought and inner dialogue on the last page that you use on the first page. Consistency keeps the reader grounded in the fiction. Changes in method distract the reader.
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I hope these tips are helpful as you look for ways to convey thoughts and inner dialogue.
If you’ve explored other options, let us know what you’ve seen or tried for yourself. What works for you? What doesn’t?
Let your fellow writers and editors know how you write inner dialogue and character thoughts.
Share your own tips about punctuating thoughts.
Let us know how you write good fiction.
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On May 16, 2012, I made a couple of changes to the examples and their explanations. I hope the options are now clearer.
Related posts:
- Viewpoint Character and the Need to Choose Wisely
- Variety in Character Voices
- Character Rants and Breakdowns—Let ‘em Rip
Tags: character, dialogue, thoughts Posted in: Craft & Style, Grammar & Punctuation, Writing Tips
23 Responses to “Inner Dialogue—Writing Character Thoughts”
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[...] How To: Inner Dialogue—Writing Character Thoughts, by Beth Hill – “Inner dialogue is simply the speech of a character to himself. He [...]
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Thank you for reading The Editor's Blog, an Internet resource for fiction writers, 
This got me a bit confused, because you used a style that made your examples all appear in italic. There’s no italic-italic (or mezzogiorno-italic) to distinguish your inner dialogue from the rest.
Hajo, the italcs and roman fonts show up here on the article. Is it just on the e-mail version where some paragraphs are shown in all italics? I don’t know that I have control over that setup. I’ll have to check. Thanks for the heads-up.
True. I read the email version. All the indented paragraphs are italic there. Thanks
Beth,
You, your blog and this article are a godsend. Thanks so much for the very helpful tips and attention to all the questions. I have two.
1) I’m struggling a bit with paragraphs, especially in dialogue and narrative. How best should one continue the same paragraph including dialogue, while still using new paragraphs to indicate the change in speakers? For example;
My mother is sitting on the balcony, but she’s alone. There are no pointy heels punctuating the floor and Ma’s face is a crumpled handkerchief.
“What happened, mom? Where’s Aunt Stella?”
“I don’t know.”
My mother looks down, her eyes red and wet.
“Didn’t she call?”
She just shakes her head.
Should the sentences following the dialogue be indented as new paragraphs or left as they are?
Question 2.
In dialogue, should titles like “Mom” be capitalized?
Many thanks!
BG, I’m glad you’re finding something you can use.
Mom is a name as you’re using it, so yes, it gets capped. Sir or honey or sweetie wouldn’t get capped.
The lines after the dialogue look like new paragraphs in your example, but that may be a function of the comment. So . . .
My mother is sitting on the balcony, but she’s alone. There are no pointy heels punctuating the floor, and Ma’s face is a crumpled handkerchief.
“What happened, Mom? Where’s Aunt Stella?”
“I don’t know.” My mother looks down, her eyes red and wet.
“Didn’t she call?”
She just shakes her head.
Or try . . .
My mother is sitting on the balcony, but she’s alone. No pointy heels punctuate the floor, and Ma’s face is a crumpled handkerchief.
“What happened, Mom? Where’s Aunt Stella?”
My mother looks down, her eyes red and wet. “I don’t know.”
“Didn’t she call?”
She just shakes her head.
Also, you’ve got mother, ma, and mom. How does the narrator think of her mother? My mother can be paired with either of the other options, but there’d be little reason to have all three words for mother, especially in a section this short. Does she think of her mother as Ma or Mom?
A bit more than you asked for, but I hope this helped. Use a new paragraph when a new speaker talks, even if that character has an action beat before the dialogue begins.
Dear Beth,
You are a lifesaver. Thank you so much. This is incredibly helpful. I”ll be back for more!
BG, you are most welcome.
Thanks. A big help as my current WIP is in first person with plenty of inner dialogue.
Sheryl, I’m glad to have had something timely for you. Good luck with the WIP.
I think important to point out the topic discussed is inner monologue, which is one character voicing thoughts silently. The best example I can think of is Hemngway’s one character novel, The Old Man and the Sea.
Inner dialogue is a rare and challenging device used when within the head of one character, the voices of two entities have a dialogue. It could be a true conversation between the character and a spirit i.e. a deceased parent or mentor.
This was a key device that made Magic, the 1978 movie starring Anthony Hopkins movie, in which the his own dummy overtakes the mind of his ventriloquist.
Al, thanks for joining the discussion. I remember Magic. It’s one of the reasons I find certain kinds of dolls creepy. They did a great job with the movie.
While dialogue, monologue, and character thoughts are each different, I used the term here for any kind of character speech, whether that speech is between characters, is a character speaking aloud to himself or an object, or is a character speaking in his mind. Dialogue is a more commonly discussed fiction term than is monologue, so I hoped those searching for dialogue tips, no matter what their form, would be able to find and use the article.
Also, I’ve found that the meaning of dialogue has expanded beyond a conversation between two or more people. Dialogue in one sense is a reference to any of the spoken words in a piece of fiction. Thus we wouldn’t need to specify that a novelist writes both good dialogue and good monologue; dialogue by itself conveys our meaning.
But true inner dialogue—a conversation between two parts of the same person—that indeed would be fascinating.
Thanks for pointing out the classic definitions of dialogue and monologue.
I considered that some will regard my comment as overly picky. I did not mean to dilute your otherwise great discussion of monologue.
Your additional remarks flesh out the concept even further. Thanks for that.
The only real I had is how does inner dialogue look on a page? I did a story once with only one character for the first 2/3s of the story. He has an inner dialogue with his deceased father. I remember agonizing over how to express it. I think I punctuated it as though it was simple dialogue.
AL
Al, no worries. All discussion is good discussion.
Though we always want to get it exactly right, being consistent is sometimes the most important issue. If your character never spoke aloud to others, the reader probably wouldn’t have gotten confused, would not have assumed the character was talking aloud rather than thinking to himself. Yet, I still like reserving quotation marks for spoken dialogue.
But need sometimes trumps rules. And that’s part of what makes the written story so fascinating and unpredictable.
Thank you so much for this blog post. This topic had me so confused and now it’s all clear to me.
You are most welcome, Julieann. I’m glad the explanations helped.
I have two or more characters communicating mentally in my manuscript. I start a new paragraph every time and put it in italics should I also put it is quotation marks since they are talking to one another?
By the way thank you so much for this blog it is the most helpful thing i have found so far!
Misti, with all the paranormals and sci-fi that have come along, the need for writing mind-to-mind communication has increased. There’s no one standard yet, at least as far as I can tell.
But you definitely don’t want a lot of italics taking over your manuscript. Paragraph after paragraph of words in italics is simply hard on the reader. And you don’t want both italics and quotation marks. That’s just overkill.
Reserve quotation marks for spoken words. If you used them for thought and speech, readers wouldn’t know which it was. Also, let readers know right from the top that characters can mind-talk. And then keep that mind-talk brief.
Unless someone comes up with something we all can use and easily recognize, the best option for mind-talk at this time is still italics.
But just as you would break up spoken speech with action beats and action and description, break up mind speech as well. Don’t let any one character talk for pages. Breaking up the visual of all italics will give the reader a break. And giving characters more than mind-talk will give them a break.
Maybe another reader has a suggestion regarding this issue, something they’ve seen or tried.
A few of my reminders about mind-talk have to do with other issues that might come up. That is, how do you turn off the thoughts from others? Can your characters shut them off or are they bombarded by mind-talk constantly? How far can your characters mind-talk? That is, do they need phones or can they reach around the world with a thought? Or maybe they have to be in the same room with the other person. But why would that be so?
Just some issues to consider . . .
Great questions, Misti.
I have just found this site on searching for information about using punctuation when a character is sitting back and reliving in his thoughts a word by word converstaion he had with someone in the past. Would I be right in thinking that in this case puctuation would be the correct method
Margaret, I’m glad you found the blog. However, I’m not sure what your question is. Are you asking about quotation marks for a reply of a past conversation?
Thank you for coming back to me Beth. I am and have never been a writer of stories, but I am now making an attempt to write a short fan fiction story.I should have made myself more clear….Yes, I am looking at quotation marks. My main character is going back six years in his thoughts and is recollecting a word for word conversation he had with someone, and I am writing the conversation down word for word. But, as this was a conversation in the past, but being re lived in his mind now….I am not sure if I should use quotation marks in the conversation as if it is happening in his thoughts now.I hope this makes sense. I may be making a meal of this and perhaps the quotation marks should be there anyway. whatever way I am writing this into the story line.
I’m a first-time writer and I struggled with this topic. I googled all over and found your post to be BY FAR the best explanation. Succinct, clear, and just totally awesome. Someone on AbsoluteWrite had the same question, so I posted a link to your post and raved about it. I hope it’ll help him/her as much as it helped me. Thanks.
Thanks, Alex. I’m glad you found the information useful. And I like raving—thanks for the plug.