Write well. Write often. Edit wisely.
English is a forgiving and accommodating language. And that means that writers have a whole lot of leeway when it comes to deciding how to word phrases and structure sentences.
A sentence can consist of a single independent clause (simple sentence), multiple independent clauses (compound sentence), or at least one dependent clause and at least one independent clause (complex sentence).
Sentences can contain phrases in addition to clauses. And even when writers use incomplete sentences or fragments—no complete sentences—readers often easily understand the text’s meaning.
We can put absolute phrases at the beginning of a sentence, in the middle, or at the end of the same sentence, and comprehension doesn’t suffer.
We can separate modifiers such as adverbs from the words they modify, and still readers can understand.
There’s nothing difficult in today’s article. This is just a reminder that while we do have that leeway and an absurd degree of flexibility with wording and structuring sentences, sometimes it does matter where the words go. Sometimes unexpected word order can cause confusion. At other times word order may create a meaning that the writer hadn’t intended.
And sometimes it’s not word order that causes problems. Sometimes it’s what’s being conveyed through word choice or sentence construction that is a problem.
Sometimes a sentence can unintentionally have two meanings.
Let’s consider a few instances when word choice or word order might cause unintended problems, instances when we might not be as clear with our words as we should be.
Advertisements
I hear a peculiar wording in TV and radio ads all the time. The wording sounds something like this—
If you’re tired of paying too much for car insurance (or shoes or tuition or coffee), have we got a deal for you.
If you’re looking for the perfect Valentine gift, we’re the best jeweler in town.
Every time I hear similar wording, I silently talk back to the company making the pitch.
But if I’m not tired of paying too much, I don’t get a deal, is that what you’re saying?
Or
But if I’m not looking for the perfect Valentine gift, you’re not the best jeweler?
A slight change is all that would be necessary to keep listeners from mentally going a place retailers and advertisers don’t want them going.
For the perfect Valentine gift, come see Greyson’s Jewelers. We specialize in romantic jewelry.
Both
The word both sometimes gets thrown into a sentence in a way that produces confusion rather than clarity. Typically the problem is one of redundancy.
They both reached out for each other’s hands.
They both saluted each other.
In these sentences, there’s no need for both each other and both. Either alone is sufficient.
The reached out for each other’s hands.
They both saluted.
Adverb Placement
Misplaced Modifiers
As I mentioned, adverbs can be found at a distance from the word they modify. Yet some adverbs, especially adverbs of focus or (only, just, even), need to be placed immediately before the word(s) they modify. If they’re not in the proper place, they’re modifying the wrong word or phrase. Or at least the wrong word or phrase for your purposes.
Just Bobby showed up for the award ceremony.
Bobby just showed up for the award ceremony.
Bobby showed up just for the award ceremony.
Bobby showed up for just the award ceremony.
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Even Liza failed and ended up having to repeat the class.
Liza even failed and ended up having to repeat the class.
Liza failed and even ended up having to repeat the class.
Liza failed and ended up even having to repeat the class.
Liza failed and ended up having to even repeat the class.
Liza failed and ended up having to repeat even the class.
Other Misplaced Modifiers
Prepositional phrases operate as modifiers and can cause confusion or double takes of some sentences.
Jason was arrested for indecent exposure in the middle of Main Street.
Was Jason arrested in the middle of Main Street or is that where he exposed himself?
The victim was found stabbed to death by a relative in her home on Tuesday.
Did the relative do the stabbing or the finding?
Dangling Modifier
Every writer is warned about dangling modifiers. Yet sometimes we don’t notice when the modifier—often a participial phrase—isn’t modifying the subject of the sentence and thus is left dangling.
Jumping up and down, the ball skipped over Luke’s head.
Cashing in on early retirement, the option was a good one for Lucinda.
Luke is the one jumping up and down, and Lucinda is the one cashing in on early retirement. These sentences both need reworking.
While Luke jumped up and down, the ball skipped over his head.
Lucinda cashed in on early retirement, a good option for her.
Squinting Modifier
A squinting modifier could be modifying the word or phrase before it or the word(s) after it. Rewrite for clarity when modifiers squint.
The man who married recently divorced.
Did he marry recently or divorce recently?
Taking the time to plan clearly is the best choice.
Which word or phrase is clearly modifying?
Absent or Unclear Antecedents
Pronouns without clear antecedents can also cause problems. Be sure that pronouns refer to a specific noun, one that’s been included in the text.
Every time the bookmobile came to my school, I wanted to buy dozens of them.
The speaker likely means that she wanted to buy dozens of books, yet the word books hasn’t been mentioned.
Tom and Bill went to his house.
Whose house? Make sure that pronouns clearly refer to a specific antecedent.
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Readers can often figure out what is meant when a sentence can be read multiple ways. Yet to head off even momentary confusion, search for unclear or confusing phrasing. Beta readers and critique partners can be good detectors of these kinds of errors; if you’re prone to creating confusing sentences, have a friend or colleague look over your text. But you can also search for problem words yourself. For example, if you tend to put the word only anywhere in a sentence and don’t pair it with the word you want to modify, examine every use of only in your projects. Help readers so that they don’t have to stop reading and step out of your out-of-this-world adventure in order to make sense of a confusing sentence.
Tags: dangling modifier, misplaced modifier, word order Posted in: Grammar & Punctuation
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Copyright © 2010-2018 E. A. Hill Visit Beth at A Novel Edit
Write well. Write often. Edit wisely.
Great post, Beth. You always knock it out clearly out of the park, or is it you clearly knock it out of the park always? You know what I mean. 😉
I learn something good every time.
The correction for, “They both saluted each other,” should be, “They saluted each other,” not, “They both saluted.” The latter could mean they saluted other people or things.
This is excellent. I’m saving it so I can have a ready example for writers who don’t quite understand why I’ve shuffled their words around.
Thanks for such a thorough article!
Greetings, Beth!
Your website is truly a treasure trove of resources for authors, editors, and basically all people who wish to improve their writing. Thank you for being so generous with your time, knowledge, and talents to publish this online guide.
Last year, I completed the Professional Sequence in Editing courses from the University of California, Berkeley. I have never served formally as an editor, so to gain some much-needed experience, I am using my free time (and the skills that I have learned from the editing program) this summer to volunteer as a copyeditor for an author. The author would like to publish a short fiction piece, so I have definitely been keeping your “Checklist for Editors” by my side as I go through his work, especially since we never studied fiction editing in class. (This whole process has actually been a little stressful and quite challenging.)
The author loves to use participial phrases in his writing, and the commentary above, as well as your articles “Participial Phrases?” and “Revisiting Dangling Modifiers,” has helped me to be on the lookout for any problematic usage. I would like to ask you about two example sentences from this author’s work.
1.) “Why did William cling so vehemently to those tense few seconds when he saw Catherine in that old car, looking back at him, desperation in her eyes?”
William is both the subject of the main clause and the subject of the subordinate “when” clause, so do the “looking back” (as it reads in the sentence) and the “desperation in her eyes” (an absolute phrase, maybe) actually modify William when they are supposed to modify Catherine? (I was just going to change the sentence to read, “Why did William cling so vehemently to those tense few seconds when he saw Catherine in that old car as she looked back at him with desperation in her eyes?” However, I am not sure that this modification works, either.)
2.) “Catherine looked at the sheriff and then across the roof of the blue sedan toward Frank, satisfaction growing in her eyes, white teeth gleaming through a widening smile.” (Here, Catherine is happy that Frank has been arrested for kidnapping her.) Are the phrases that ended the sentence absolute phrases? Apart from the sentence’s wordiness, perhaps, is the sentence structurally and grammatically sound?
I apologize in advance for troubling you with these questions, but I am completely confused. _The Chicago Manual of Style_ and Amy Einsohn’s _The Copyeditor’s Handbook_ mostly address dangling participles at the beginning of a sentence, so your examples of participial phrases elsewhere in a sentence have been most beneficial. Also, in _A Writer’s Reference_, the advice of Diana Hacker conflicts with what I have read. She states that participial phrases “always” act as adjectives, even though CMOS states that they can act as adverbs, too. She agrees with you about how participial phrases are completely movable, but then she gives the following example of a participial phrase at the end of a sentence: “Last night we saw a play that affected us deeply, written with profound insight into the lives of immigrants.” Hacker writes that this sentence contains a participial phrase “at some distance from the word” it modifies and that the phrase modifies the word “play.” From what I have read in your articles, though, I do not understand how this example is correct. Because the “written” phrase follows a comma at the end of this sentence, shouldn’t it modify the subject of the sentence—the “we”?
Thank you for whatever insights you are able to provide. Best wishes for a great day!
Hello Beth,
You have a lot of valuable information. Thank you!
Minor correction:
“The reached out for each other’s hands.”
Typo alert.
“They reached out for each other’s hands.”