Write well. Write often. Edit wisely.
Have you ever wondered how to punctuate dialogue that’s interrupted by an action? If so, you’re in good company. Many have the same questions about punctuating interrupted dialogue.
I’ve seen the topic addressed multiple times, without conclusion, in both writing forums and editing groups. There’s confusion about how to format sentences and which punctuation to use when action interrupts dialogue.
Yet many style and grammar resources show the same way to punctuate dialogue interruptions—mark off the interruption with a pair of dashes.
The recommendation in The Chicago Manual of Style is quite clear.
In the seventeenth edition, 6.87, we find:
Em dashes for sudden breaks or interruptions. An em dash or a pair of em dashes may indicate a sudden break in thought or sentence structure or an interruption in dialogue. [Emphasis mine.]
There’s even more explanation:
If the break belongs to the surrounding sentence rather than to the quoted material, the em dashes must appear outside the quotation marks.
And an example:
“Someday he’s going to hit one of those long shots, and”—his voice turned huffy—“I won’t be there to see it.”
There’s not much doubt regarding CMOS‘s recommendation for interruption of dialogue; use dashes.
If CMOS isn’t enough to convince you, let’s look at more information.
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We can disrupt a sentence by adding an interruptor, a nonessential word, phrase, or dependent clause. In some cases we can even interrupt with an independent clause. We use a pair of commas, a pair of em dashes, or a pair of parentheses to set off the interruption midsentence. (See Dealing With Interruptions for more on interruptors.)
Interruptions set off by commas and dashes are quite common in fiction. Those set off with parentheses are not as common in fiction as in nonfiction, but you can use parentheses for interruptors. Think of a snarky aside delivered by a first-person narrator.
There’s one drawback, however, to using commas with interruptors—they can’t be used to set off an independent clause inside another independent clause. A pair of commas simply isn’t sufficient for that purpose. Dashes (or parentheses) are needed.
From Words into Type (3rd ed.):
“Commas are not strong enough to set off a complete sentence interpolated within another; dashes or parentheses are required.
Their example:
Ace—people who don’t know him well call him “Goody”—is aided by a natural sense of humor.
The Writer’s Digest Grammar Desk Reference puts it this way:
“A pair of commas cannot be used to set off an interruptive element that is the equivalent of a grammatically complete sentence. Choose either a pair of dashes or a pair of parentheses instead.”
Their example (they show the same example with parentheses in place of the dashes):
Her brother—he’s an intern at MTV—wants to move to California.
A few more examples (mine)—
Waldo chased after the car, I heard all the details later, until the Mazda reached the cross street. X
Waldo chased after the car—I heard all the details later—until the Mazda reached the highway.
Tara cried dramatically, her poodle joined in with a howl, for exactly three minutes. X
Tara cried dramatically—her poodle joined in with a howl—for exactly three minutes.
The scarf was white, blue, it was a lovely robin’s egg blue, and yellow. X
The scarf was white, blue—it was a lovely robin’s egg blue—and yellow.
Bree helped her husband, he’s a doctor, break out of jail. X
Bree helped her husband—he’s a doctor—break out of jail.
For the same reason we don’t interrupt independent clauses with other independent clauses using only a pair of commas, we don’t set off an action or thought that interrupts a sentence of dialogue (in lieu of a dialogue tag) with commas. The setup is exactly the same.
“She told me she did it,” Aurora pounded the table, “smiling the whole time.” X
“She told me she did it”—Aurora pounded the table—“smiling the whole time.”
“I need to get to him before the police do,” at least I thought I did, “so he doesn’t think I abandoned him.” X
“I need to get to him before the police do”—at least I thought I did—“so he doesn’t think I abandoned him.”
This is the same format used in the examples of an independent clause interrupting another independent clause. One sentence can’t nest inside another when separated solely by a pair of commas. The comma separation isn’t a strong enough separator for this condition.
Just as a comma on its own isn’t enough to stand between independent clauses without causing a comma splice, a comma isn’t the right punctuation to interrupt dialogue.
Use a pair of dashes. And when you do, place them around the interruption and outside the quotation marks of the dialogue.
Now, not to confuse you but to show a true exception to the rule, a dialogue tag can interrupt a sentence of dialogue. By convention we allow dialogue tags preceded and followed by a comma to interrupt an independent clause in dialogue.
“She told me she did it,” Aurora said, “smiling the whole time.”
Dialogue tags are something other. Like a question tag—you picked up the pizza, didn’t you?—they’re allowed special privileges. We don’t consider dialogue, thought, and question tags to be comma splices, even though they actually are. Their use is a convention somebody decided on, one that serves writers well. But the rules of that convention don’t translate to other situations.
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Commas are versatile and in many ways, quite common. We find them everywhere, use them everywhere. They break up long bits of text into smaller units that are more easily comprehended. They separate related words and phrases, units of text, from other words and phrases. Commas are also used to group sections of text. Key words and purposes are group and separate.
But commas can’t do it all. And they’re not suitable for every need and circumstance.
We use a period to definitively end a sentence, to bring a unit of words to a halt. We use semicolons and colons, dashes and parentheses to corral other units of text. And each punctuation mark has its purposes and limitations.
Most writers know that commas aren’t suited to stand alone between two independent clauses, not without a conjunction there to bear some of the load. When a comma is used alone between independent clauses, the result is a comma splice.
The boy dreamed of being a fireman, his mother wanted him to be a chef. X
There are a handful of ways to rewrite to eliminate the comma splice.
The boy dreamed of being a fireman, but his mother wanted him to be a chef. (add a coordinating conjunction after the comma)
The boy dreamed of being a fireman; his mother wanted him to be a chef. (substitute a semicolon for the comma)
Although the boy dreamed of being a fireman, his mother wanted him to be a chef. (change one of the independent clauses to a dependent one)
The boy dreamed of being a fireman. His mother wanted him to be a chef. (substitute a period for the comma and create two sentences)
A comma splice is one type of run-on sentence. A run-on sentence isn’t one that goes on and on, seemingly without an end. A run-on sentence is created when two independent clauses, two complete sentences, are fused in a way that independent clauses shouldn’t be joined.
Some run-ons have neither commas nor conjunctions. They’re simply independent clauses that have been allowed to crash into one another, with no hint to show where one clause ends and the second begins.
Tracy peered into the deep hole a pair of blinking eyes peered back at her. X
We can bring clarity to this bit of confusion the same ways we did with the comma splice sentence.
Tracy peered into the deep hole, and a pair of blinking eyes peered back at her.
Tracy peered into the deep hole; a pair of blinking eyes peered back at her.
When Tracy peered into the deep hole, a pair of blinking eyes peered back at her.
Tracy peered into the deep hole. A pair of blinking eyes peered back at her.
Something must separate the independent clauses. Most of the time, that is.
We may purposely use run-ons to convey a fast-moving feel or a lyric style. And run-ons are definitely used in fiction and in poetry. Yet when used without consideration, they can easily create confusion for the reader.
We know that to communicate clearly and easily, we can’t simply throw words together. We put words into a particular order and join or separate the component parts so that others can make sense of what we write or say. And sometimes the smallest detail in the arrangement or presentation of the different units can make a big difference in what is communicated.
The thief who stole the car made a safe getaway. The thief who stole the jewels was caught down the street.
The thief, who stole the car, made a safe getaway.
In the first example, there are multiple thieves. In the second, there is only one thief. I used the same words, but the placement of a comma between thief and who makes a big difference to our meaning.
The beagle bit the rat.
The rat bit the beagle.
The same words in a different order allow us to create different scenarios. Or even nonsensical sentences, like this next one.
Rubbing the magic lamp, the genie appeared in front of Bobby. X
Rubbing the magic lamp, Bobby waited for the genie to appear.
In the first genie sentence, I created a dangling modifier that has the genie rather than Bobby rubbing the lamp.
Word order matters. Punctuation matters. Verb forms matter.
Rules
We call our ways of ordering words and placing punctuation rules. And, yes, there are always exceptions to rules. But when we’re trying to communicate clearly, the rules help us set up that clear communication quickly and easily. We know what the rules accomplish; so do readers. Through the few examples I included here, we can clearly see how failing to follow rules can cause communication errors.
I’m all for experimenting and creating novel effects when clarity and communication don’t suffer as a result. But when an effect or experimentation causes problems, I suggest that a writer or editor re-examine the experiment. If readers are confused and are pulled out of the fiction by the creation of an effect, that effect needs another look or two.
A Few Additional Considerations
• We don’t have to interrupt dialogue with an action or thought. In fact, doing so may not be the best idea. Yet interrupting is a possibility, so knowing how to format the interruption is a necessity.
However, we could report a concurrent action with a different format.
“She told me she did it.” Aurora pounded the table. “And she smiled the whole time.”
• The interruption we’ve been looking at is an interruption of syntax, an interruption of the sentence structure. This is not the way to show that the dialogue itself has been interrupted. To show an interruption of the spoken words, include an em dash inside the quotation marks, at the point where the dialogue is interrupted.
“The mirror fell and—”
“I knew you’d drop it.”
• And to give you one more component to consider, I’ll add that we can even interrupt an action with dialogue. The format is the same as interrupting the dialogue; the dialogue goes between the quotation marks and dashes separate the action from the dialogue.
Conrad reached for the cookie jar—“I can get it, Mommy”—and knocked the coffee mug off the counter.
This isn’t a common setup, but it’s not totally unheard of either.
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I hope the information presented here helps settle this issue for you. Most style, grammar, and punctuation books cover interrupters and will advise you when to use commas, parentheses, and dashes. But you can safely use dashes for interruptors in dialogue. Commas? They’re not up to the task. Not unless the interruption is a dialogue tag.
Tags: comma, dialogue, em dash, independent clause Posted in: Beyond the Basics, Grammar & Punctuation
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Thank you. This information is the clearest explanation I’ve encountered in the last ten years. You have also given me a clear understanding of another option – the em dash.
I love the em dash, Pat. It’s sometimes the perfect option. I’m glad the information is helpful.
I am so glad you referred also to WORDS INTO TYPE. It has long been a favorite resource of mine. It is clear and concise.
Yours in the word,
Frank
Frank, I only recently got a copy of Words into Type. But I already love it. It’s nice to see you. I hope all is well with you.
Hi Beth: Great article, thanks. I’m wondering why you did not insert a comma after “it” in this example: “She told me she did it”—Aurora pounded the table—“smiling the whole time.” I always thought a break in quoted dialogue required a comma.
Peter, the em dash takes away the need for a comma. When you use one, you don’t use the other.
Thanks, Beth, for this great update. Whether writing or editing, it sometimes feels like commas a carried in hip pockets for ready, easy access. I appreciate that you’ve given not only the rules, but have also given credence to those times when a comma denotes a pause, or an extra beat in the text. The rules direct continuity in written material. Artistic license directs comprehension and reactions.
This one goes to the ‘wall of reminders’…
Maria, I’ve seen commas recommended for a lot of setups that require something different. And since we’ve got plenty of different somethings—dashes, parentheses, semicolons, colons, and periods—there’s no need to force a comma into a situation it can’t handle. But when commas are called for, they’re great tools. Don’t you love the versatility of language, grammar, and punctuation? There’s so much they can do.
Thanks so much for this, Beth. I’ve had arguments with other editors over whether this was okay or not, believe it or not–so I’m very glad to see it addressed in such depth. I’ll definitely be sending clients to this post for reference (along with your excellent post on numbers).
Eliza, I’m not sure why there’s a question about this issue since it’s a pretty straightforward one, but I’ve heard of and seen the disagreements too. I’ve also seen bad advice about the subject in writing forums, with writers claiming they’ve never seen dashes used in books for this purpose, so that couldn’t possibly be the right way to set off dialogue interruptions. I can honestly say that the last three books I read all used dashes in this manner to punctuate interruptions to dialogue. (Since the topic has been on my mind for more than a few days, I was quick to notice the interrupters.) And sometime in the past two weeks I saw dashes used to set off dialogue that served as the interruption. That one is so rare that I can only remember seeing it a handful of times, but dashes are the perfect solution in that case too.
Much of the confusion could probably be erased with a quick exploration of interrupters and all three of the punctuation marks—commas, parentheses, and dashes—that we use with them. An inclusive view allows us to see where the punctuation marks differ.
I look forward to having your clients here at the blog. Thanks for letting me know you were here.
Beth, I know, it shouldn’t be controversial but somehow apparently is. I never understood how taking what’s clearly a comma splice (“I don’t know,” he shrugged”) and adding more stuff to the end (“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “but I’ll find out”) is somehow supposed to transform it into something other than a comma splice. Good to know that Words Into Type weighs in on the subject too–I bought a copy when I began editing but haven’t really found occasion to use it.
Can we clarify something here? I just read a reply (in my email, but I don’t see it in the forum yet) from a contributor who calls the following a comma splice (there is an error in the post): “We really need to get this straight,” said the writer, “because readers are counting on us.”
“You did confirm that dialogue tags like this are allowed,” he asked, “right, Beth?”
Beth will likely confirm this, but I believe that the error is in the tag “shrugged.”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “but I’ll find out.” Shrugging isn’t speech, it is action. It would be just as silly to say, “I don’t know,” he spooned, “but I’ll find out.”
I think Peter has it correct in his query above. His comma splice has the dialogue tag an action of speech (“said,” “asked,” etc.)
Or am I on a completely different page?
Peter, if you meant my post, the examples I gave are of comma splices while the two you gave are not. The first of my examples is a comma splice because two *independent* clauses are being linked with a comma. This is the difference between an action beat and a dialogue tag. With a dialogue tag, the quoted speech is not grammatically independent of the tag–it’s the direct object of the tag. Compare: [He said, “I don’t know.”] with [He said some words.] We don’t normally put a comma in between verb and direct object, but that’s just a special convention for dialogue/quoted material. In my second example, a sentence consisting of an independent clause and a dependent (subordinate) clause (“I don’t know, but I’ll find out”–fine on its own) is spliced with a semantically/grammatically unrelated independent clause (“he shrugged”). My point is that no editors (that I’ve seen) will defend [“I don’t know,” he shrugged] but a fair few will pop up to say that [“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “but I’ll find out”] is an acceptable way of handling dialogue interrupted by an external action or event. It’s fine to put a dialogue tag in the middle of the dialogue as your examples show.
Ah, so you’d prefer: “I don’t know,” he said, shrugging, “but I’ll find out.”
The nesting replies go only a few levels deep, so I’m replying to Eliza, Peter, and Sally here.
It looks like everyone’s on the same page. So, Peter, yes, the preference would be for “I don’t know,” he said, shrugging, “but I’ll find out.” A speech tag—said, asked, whispered—works to interrupt dialogue. But an action doesn’t work as a dialogue tag and it doesn’t work as an interruptor to dialogue when it’s separated from that dialogue with only a pair of commas. When we punctuate an action the way we’d punctuate a dialogue tag, we create a comma splice. That setup actually creates two of them, one on each end of the interruption. And while some comma splices can be used under some conditions as a style choice, interrupting dialogue with an action isn’t one of the usual exceptions.
Eliza, Words into Type has another recommendation that I didn’t include in the article. “When the words interrupting a speech are not words of speaking or saying, it is better to use dashes to separate them from the quotation . . .” The example provided: “I can’t help thinking”—he smiled at her suddenly—“that part of it is me.”
I checked more than a dozen resources before writing this article, and if they mentioned the issue, they pointed out the different uses of commas, parentheses, and dashes for interruptions. The comma is used for mild interruptions but not for major breaks—some of the sources referred to a break in syntax.
Even the textbook I checked (The Writer’s Craft: Idea to Expression), weighed in on the topic. In the section “Dashes with Interruptors,” they have—“Commas set off words and short phrases, such as however and by the way, that interrupt a sentence. With an abrupt change of thought, or an idea that breaks into the flow of a sentence, use dashes to set off the words.” Their example—People grew impatient—-the parade was already thirty minutes behind schedule—and began to leave.
It’s clear that if this was dialogue, the dashes would still be needed for the interruption. “People grew impatient”—the parade was already thirty minutes behind schedule—“and began to leave.”
Dialogue or not, independent clauses interrupting independent clauses need dashes (or parentheses).
Thanks so much, Beth – really great topic and comments. I’m not trying to be ornery here, but I am one of the most avid readers I know (tons of historical fiction), and I cannot recall ever having seen this construction in a book (I’ll be watching, going forward). Now, there’s a distinct possibility that could just be my memory!
Peter, feel free, always, to ask questions and push to get an answer. I didn’t take your question as ornery at all. And let me know when you come across those dashes in your pleasure reading. 🙂
Hi, Beth,
In my current work-in-progress, I have employed another bit of punctuation in an unusual way, for I haven’t been able to come up with anything else that would suit in my case. My story has LOADS of internal thought, and I know I would find italics for all of it distracting on the page and hard to read. (I personally find italics very difficult to read, because the text usually gets squeezed horizontally when converted to italics.) But if I don’t use italics,what do I use? There is so much of it that if I put it into quotations, it gets confused with the characters’ speech or dialogue. If I use nothing, it looks like I’m shifting not only tense, from past into present, but POV, from “he” or “she” to “I.”
So I thought of the en dash, and have employed it throughout the story. I saw this used once in a book, a long time ago, but it is obviously a very rare use. I believe that my readers, once they see it used in this way a few times, will become ‘trained’ to know that when the en dash shows up, it’s opening the internal thoughts of the character with whom the story is currently involved.
Below are the opening paragraphs of my story. Do you think my theory has some merit?
“Who was that,” Greg asked as he and Josie drove home from the folk dance, “the fiddler, singing, at the end? You know him?”
Jealousy tainted his question.
Josie huffed and faced the window. –Damn it, Greg. I don’t need you thinking I’ve fallen for a guy just because he can play a fiddle like nobody’s business. You know me better than that. It’s high time you cut yourself a healthy slab of self-esteem.–
“I’ve never seen him before,” she said. She didn’t want to think about the fiddler, and she didn’t want Greg to think she was thinking about him.
What about single quotes? I’ve always used those for thoughts. There’s no confusion, because when they’re used in a quote within dialogue, that’s clear. I think the wording of thoughts is really important, too – to help guide the reader.
Peter, single quotes aren’t usually used for thoughts, at least not in stories using American English (AmE) rules. Single quotation marks have some specific uses, and that’s not one of them. Plus they may not be different enough from doubles for readers to appreciate the difference you intend for them to notice. That is, readers might still have to decide whether or not they’re reading dialogue or thoughts each time they come to the quotation marks.
I agree that the wording of thoughts is important. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed to show readers that they’re reading thoughts.
Sally, I’m all for trying options, trying to make something work with the least disruption. And, yes, readers can get used to almost anything. But is this the best option? I admit it’s an unusual one. On the other hand, I understand about using italics either too many times or for too long at any one time. Italics are difficult to read, especially in long sections.
This doesn’t address your question about using an en dash to set off first-person, present-tense thoughts—I’m still considering the pros and cons of a dash for that purpose—but I have a question for you. Had you considered using first person rather than third? Is Josie your only viewpoint character? If her thoughts are going to show up a lot, as you’ve indicated, then you may want Josie to tell her own story. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about switching from third person to first. There’s still the issue of changing from past to present in her thoughts, but that’s only one issue to deal with rather than two.
And even if you have two viewpoint characters, they could both use first person.
In just this short sample, we get dialogue; first-person thoughts, with Josie speaking to Greg in her thoughts; and the more distancing third-person thoughts. And that’s just for Josie. That makes a lot of ways for her to communicate her thoughts, feelings, and emotions. A lot of ways that readers will have to keep up with and not become confused by. If hearing Josie’s thoughts in that direct manner is so important, I’d definitely suggest that you consider first person rather than third if you haven’t already. Is there a reason that first person wouldn’t work? If you want readers inside her head to that great a degree, first person might be the best choice.
Dear Beth,
I appreciate your thoughtful analysis and the time you have taken to consider my situation. You make some excellent points.
At first blush, however, I have doubts that going with first-person would be the ideal solution, because Josie is not the only one into whose head the story goes. Another main character gets even more internal-thought time. (So do a few other, secondary characters to a much lesser degree.) These two main characters’s points-of-view actually twine together over the course of the story arc. They never become one, but they are more like individual strands of rope, fate twisting them into to unity as one rope. If I went with first-person for both of them, the closer they got, the harder it would get to distinguish between them without a lot of explanation that would distance the reader, break the immediacy of any given action, break the reader’s suspension of disbelief.
It has been a very strange story to write, highly emotionally charged, the toughest writing I’ve ever done. But it’s been what the characters wanted me to write, and I’m hoping that I can satisfy them. (I know that sounds weird, but they took charge four years ago, and I’m not about to argue with them.)
I don’t know if the use of en dashes is the best option. I don’t know that it isn’t. But I keep posting the idea to other writers out there to get their take on it, and they keep giving me other ideas worthy of consideration.
Thank you!
Sally, I’ve been pondering this, and dashes might be an option. But this week I was reading a book with a lot of mind-talk between characters, and I admit that the italics didn’t bother me at all. They worked well—alongside a few reminders that the characters were talking mind to mind—to show that direct connection from mind to mind. Your setup is different, but italics might not be as bad an option as you anticipate.
Are you self-publishing or submitting to agents and/or publishers? If you’re going to submit to a traditional publisher, I’d suggest going with italics and letting them make the decision. But I have the feeling you might be self-publishing, and thus the decision falls to you.
When you mentioned that you get into the minds of multiple characters, that had me thinking of other issues, the first being that if you invite readers into the minds of too many characters, that’s closer to omniscient in one sense than it is to a deep third POV, which is what I sense that you’re looking for. The issue wouldn’t be a problem with showing the thoughts of just the two main characters—romance novels do that all the time. It’s going into the additional minds that starts to break up that deep connection that readers will have with just a single character or with a couple of characters.
As I said, this is a whole different issue than the one you started with. And one too big to be covered in a comment. But do consider the need to show readers inside the heads of too many characters. Co-protagonists or co-protagonists and an antagonist? That can work. But a handful of minor or secondary characters? Going into their heads might be an unnecessary break to the deep connections you’re trying to create.
Wow, Beth! I really appreciate your in-depth consideration of this en-dash concept.
In this story, there would be far too much text in italics – the two main characters do a lot of internal noodling. I do use italics for “conversations” held between one of the main characters and a spirit being that has been involved in his life since he can remember. The spirit being comes and goes, but isn’t around a whole lot.
The two main characters engage in most of the internal monologues. In any given chapter, I have tried to stay within one of their heads at a time. Sometimes I have switched to the other within a chapter, but I preface it with a couple of spaces between the texts so the reader knows there’s a switch in the story’s time, place, or character POV. The internal monologue of the secondary characters (of which there are three) is quite a bit less, probably a total among them of well under 10 percent.
The trickiest part of all this has been when an intense emotional scene involving the characters is going on, especially as the two main characters get closer and closer in spirit and understanding, that twining I mentioned earlier.
I think the jury is still out, as they say. A couple of my round-two beta readers are satisfied with the POV management. I’ll still be thinking on it. (Whatever I do, I’ll still be thinking on it after it’s gone to press!)
Thanks again for your thoughtful comments. They give me much to consider.
Thank you for this, Beth. I’ve used em dashes for interrupted or clipped dialogue but didn’t realize you could interrupt with independent sentences. Thanks so much for the clear examples. I’ve shared this post online.
Thanks for sharing the article, Victoria Marie. I appreciate it each time that you do.
I do love the ways we can work words, grammar, and punctuation to give our writing nuance and specifics. I’ll bet that you come across this setup with dashes sometime soon in a book; it’ll probably jump right out at you.
Wow! An hour ago, I only wanted to check on some grammar rules, but then I started reading more and more from your blog. The way you write these articles is extremely entrenching; I kept on reading ad infinitum. So please do enjoy this sincere comment from a fellow language nerd.
I think that you’ll enjoy hearing that I am a proofreader in an online fan group whose members decided to make an abridged manga series. (Maybe I will even be the lead proofreader: since the project has just begun and is in the organisation phase, I can still be chosen as the lead.) I will definitely share this blog with my colleagues.
I made a questionnaire so that we solidify our writing rules. That was because of two reasons:
1. We are a very international team.
2. Since the original material is in Japanese, which does not differentiate between proper and common nouns, a lot of words are left with unclear capitalisation when translated into English.
After collating the answers from the questionnaire, we will, hopefully, come to a consensus, and I’ll make ourselves an internal style guide (and this wasn’t requested by the directors; I am just that crazy about having good English).
Viktor, I’m glad you’ve found information here that you can use. Yes, I wish you and your group great success with your manga series and the style guide. The style guide sounds like a great idea to keep everyone’s work in a similar style and following the same rules.
When someone else’s speech is interrupted by the first person narrator’s thought (internal dialogue), I was doing this:
‘Fabulous, then I have just what you’re after—’
Ah. So that was why Zoe spun her chair around to face the wall so often.
‘—it’s a pioneering new publishing set-up and they want a long-list as soon as possible.
In other words finishing the speech with an em dash, then giving my narrator their own line, and then starting the remaining speech with an em dash. I liked this because it made the internal dialogue of the narrator stand out more.
But should I be doing this:
‘Fabulous, then I have just what you’re after’—Ah. So that was why Zoe spun her chair around to face the wall so often—‘it’s a pioneering new publishing set-up and they want a long-list as soon as possible.
Sally, either can work. Yet your practice seems the better option in most instances because it separates the responses of different characters into different paragraphs. Just as we start a new paragraph when a different character speaks, we usually change paragraphs when a different character thinks.
However, if a first-person narrator (or the viewpoint character in deep-third POV) was really intrusive or talkative or was truly having some kind of aha moment right in the middle of another character’s speech, interrupting dialogue with his or her thought would certainly be an option. This kind of punctuation allows for such an interruption.
I know it is wrong but I prefer to use ellipses a the end of an interrupted bit of Dialog. I just looks so right.
“The mirror fell and…” vs ” The mirror fell and -.”
Rules are rules but sorry those little buggers say it better.
I use ellipsis when the speaker just trails off on her/his own. I use hyphens if the speaker is interrupted by another speaker; it can be after a full word (“The mirror fell and –“) or mid-word (“The mirror f–“). Probably far to complicated, but those are my preferences.
Sorry … too complicated …
Sam, the two different marks, ellipsis and dash, give us options, ways to create a variety of effects. You may use an ellipsis for dialogue that’s supposed to be broken off, but readers will read a trailing off of the words and not a harsh break or an interruption. The dash really is a good option, even visually, to indicate an abrupt stop to dialogue. That horizontal line looks like a slash, like it’s strong enough to stop words.
Peter, you make the same distinction that most writers make—ellipsis for trailing off and em dash (rather than hyphen) for an interruption. Keep in mind that a character can cut off his own dialogue abruptly, so it’s not always the words of others that interrupt spoken words.
Thank you, Beth. Yes, my protagonist – the first person narrator – loves to interject with her own (often rather sarcastic) thoughts on what is being said. This can go on for several paragraphs, so starting a new paragraph each time probably works best.
I use the em dash so that we know the person speaking, is continuing their sentence after the internal dialogue of the narrator. Do you think that works? Without these em dashes it’s hard to know who’s talking, and speech/thought tags hold everything up.
I think the dashes work perfectly well for what you’re doing. They allow the interruption, and, as you said, you don’t have to add additional thought or speech tags. However, if the narrator’s thoughts go on for an extended time, be sure that she misses some of what was said. That is, it’s not likely that she’d have long and involved thoughts and still be able to tune back in to the speaker right at the place where she left off with her thoughts. If she thinks for an extended period of time, she’d miss something. And if you show that she missed something, that’s helpful to readers as well, showing that time has indeed passed.
Oh yes. Good point. I’ll try and keep her thoughts (witticisms) short and snappy.
Aloha. I don’t know if my question may be in another post but I can’t find anyone to verify my use of the em dash in a second character (heroine) completing the speech of the first character (hero). I read it somewhere, not sure if it was a novel or a ‘how to’ book. So here goes the dialogue.
“What? We were practically attached–”
“–by our lips?”
Does her dialogue start with the em dash to show she’s completing his speech? I like using the em dash, it gives the scene a little excitement since the story has a lot of humor, especially with these two characters.
Violet, yes, you can use dashes the way you’ve described. You do, however, lose some of the impact of the second character interrupting when her own words are preceded by a dash. It just feels like a stronger interruption when the words themselves do the interrupting.
“What? We were practically attached—”
“By our lips?”
But your suggestion is a valid option. It’s just not a common option.
You can use this same method to resume the first character’s spoken words when he’s interrupted by someone else and then doggedly continues on after or during the interruption.
“What? We were practically attached—”
“By our lips?”
“—at the heart.”
On the other hand, you don’t have to use this option. A typical setup would put it this way:
“What? We were practically attached—”
“By our lips?”
“At the heart.”
I agree. Without the dash does make the interrupter words a strong interruption. At least I know it’s an option, not a mistake. You popped my bubble thought full of question marks. Thank you.
What’s the difference between an en dash and an em dash and a hyphen?
Hi Beth, I just wanted to say that I appreciate all your blogs. Could you clarify this part of your article for me. . . .
A Few Additional Considerations
• We don’t have to interrupt dialogue with an action or thought. In fact, doing so may not be the best idea. Yet interrupting is a possibility, so knowing how to format the interruption is a necessity.
However, we could report a concurrent action with a different format.
“She told me she did it.” Aurora pounded the table. “And she smiled the whole time.”
When you say concurrent action do you mean the dialogue/action performed at the same time. Or, do you mean, the speech was continuous and the past tense action “Aurora pounded the table” followed the speech. To be honest, I stumbled upon that yesterday and confused me all day long and wasn’t sure what you meant. Today, a new day, I read it as the speech was concurrent as the second dialogue tag looks continuous with the first tag and the action sandwiched in between the dialogue happened after the end of the second dialogue tag. I ask because I’ve never seen this in any novels I’ve read (to be honest, I haven’t read many) and I’m so close to finishing my first draft of my first fiction story (technically, my third, but it will be my first completed novel as I fell in love with this one I’m currently working on and my other two have sat untouched and incomplete), which everyone that I’ve shared with so far absolutely loves my passion and creativity of it. To be honest, I’m all self-taught through practice (extensive practice on my own) and reading blogs/tips of editors like yourself and occasionally I stumble upon something I’ve never seen before and it throws me for a loop. Can you please clarify the example I posted of your article. Thanks for all your help.
Hi!
In your example: Conrad reached for the cookie jar—“I can get it, Mommy”—and knocked the coffee mug off the counter.
Could we also write it with commas?
Conrad reached for the cookie jar, “I can get it, Mommy,” and knocked the coffee mug off the counter.
Thank you for the clear explanation. I do have a doubt. What about em dashes inside quotation marks within dialogue? For example:
“…if there were an—” He grinned. “—An old man above…”
“They say that matters of—” He consulted the slip. “—Matters of grave urgency…”
“This calls for—” He searched for the word. “—for an artist.”
Reading it, I understand that the dialogue pauses while the action is occurring. Is this being used correctly? I know capitalization is being used inconsistently too—I’m not sure how to edit this and the CMOS isn’t clear as far as I can tell. Thank you.
Hi Beth, you’re the best. I’m writing my first novel. I kept procrastinating because of grammar and stuffs. Now I feel confident after your article and I’ve started to write because of you! Can’t thank you enough!
I have two doubts need to ask you. 1) I’m an Indian. But I prefer writing book in American English is this allowed or one should follow one’s country’s English?
2) Is it okay to use em dash in the place of colon and comma as required?
for eg: Sarvesh exited the van and met the Security Officer in his cabin. He greeted the Officer and said,
“Excuse me, sir— I’m Sarvesh Xander.”
or
“Excuse me, sir: I’m Sarvesh Xander”
“Yes, Mr.Xander informed me about that an hour ago before”—the Officer made an entry in the registry and issued a form—”Fill out the form Sarvesh, it is the procedure.”
Once he filled out the form, the Officer handed over a walkie-talkie and said, “Can you see this Alert button, huh? Used to connect to me in case of an emergency. Remember— this is the only way you can talk to me. So, do you have the map or want one—this forest is damn deep to track routes unless you’ve got a map?”
Kindly correct and clarify me Beth!